The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done

This past month my squad and I hiked Acatenango, a 13,000ft volcano near where we live here in Guatemala. It’s by far the hardest physical thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. It’s amazing though that while in the midst of a great struggle, a painful event, or suffering the Lord speaks the most. I never quite know how to adequately sum up what He’s doing in my life while in the field. He’s been teaching me about trusting in His goodness since we launched and everything He spoke through those two days comes back to His goodness!

I’ve really been struggling with the journey of head knowledge to heart knowledge. While in Jacó, I realized that I believe more in my ability to screw up the Lord’s plan for my life than in the fact that He has good things in store for me. Learning of and trusting in His goodness in my life was only going to come from leaning into dependency and praying for situations to be dependent on Him. Insert in hiking up a volcano that I’m way too out of shape to actually be hiking! It was important to my team that the Misteco boys were able to do the hike with us and there’s no way that I would have made it to the top without them! They were walking hand in hand with the Lord and being vessels for Holy Spirit.

Asking for and accepting help is really hard for me. While hiking Luis kept asking if he could take my pack, like before the first rest stop in the first 20 minutes of this 7 hour hike. Allowing him to take my pack was one of the hardest parts of this hike. I could only think of the Lord reaching out to me, asking me over and over if He could take my burden from me. The one that’s too heavy for me to carry.

When accepting help I thought I’d be trading packs but Luis promptly scooped up my bag, placed it upon his shoulders and started walking. No matter how much I fussed he wouldn’t give me his bag. He said that all I needed was a complete rest and then I’d have the strength to go on. 

How often does God try to take a burden from me and I feel the need to trade with Him, make a bargain? If you take this big scary thing, then I’ll carry this, take on this task. God doesn’t need us to take anything back. We don’t have to perform for Him to want to take care of us. He says come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

In the midst of this journey the Lord also taught me what it means to persevere. The mental game to look upon this giant incline and know when you get to the top of this one, around the bend is yet another incline, is insane. I had to stop a lot, sometimes I couldn’t even make it to the top of the short path before needing a rest. I kept apologizing over and over as I doubled over to catch my breath. Luis would reply no apologizing or no lo siento. 

I felt like God was saying you never have to apologize for giving me your all. You are moving, you’re continuing on, just because you take a rest does not mean you are not persevering! Your efforts are enough, you are enough. 

I’m overwhelmed to look upon His magnificent creation and know that we are, I am, the crown of all His creations. Our Father is so good that He provided me with the perfect people to support and encourage me on this adventure. You see the views at the top of Acatenango were incredible. The destination was definitely worth it, but the journey to the top? That was far more a priceless experience with my Father.